Started From the Bottom... (Now we here)
A lot of emotions I have been dealing with after my diagnosis have been around the anxiety around the incessant waiting between each event.
Mammogram and Ultrasound -- 2-3 days
Biopsy on breast -- 3-5 days
MRI on breast -- 3-5 days
BRCA genetic testing -- 7 days
Pathology post surgery-- 7-10 days
In between all of these pieces of the process I would be anxiety ridden on what the outcomes would be. I would receive the news, and feel a sense of relief and calm down again, until the next phase in which the worrying would start all over again.
I will say each piece of the puzzle had its varying degrees of worry, but truthfully nothing made me more crazy than waiting for my pathology after my surgery. This was it. This report basically tells you how bad your sitch really is. Would I need chemo right away? What about radiation? Is my cancer in my lymph nodes? How aggressive is it? I am probably Stage 6, and there isn't actually a Stage 6 -- but still, I am probably that.
I would start imagining myself with no hair, wondering if I could really pull off that Britney Spears look circa 2007. I am not great at tying a head scarf, I am not sure how I would look in a wig.
Then again, when Samantha Jones from Sex and the City had chemo, she really looked like she was having a blast, still ranting about her sex life, while eating popsicles and maintaining a six pack.
I spent week 1 of my recovery in a pretty dark place. Not only was I bed ridden, sore and bored; but I was constantly wondering what my results were. I was crying a lot. I mean a lot. I didn't want to see anyone. Steve had to give me a little push to go outside and get some fresh air, or else I would just obsess.
Meanwhile, I have many people texting me that want the same answers that I do. I was overwhelmed.
On Monday, April 9 2018 I got my drains out which meant I would live in the shower for the next few days. Things were looking up.
Still, I should have my results by now...
I got home, and sat down to attempt some work. I couldn't concentrate. I picked up my phone and called the Physician's Assistant from my surgeon's office. No answer. I left a message.
A few hours later, another doc called me from the office to let me know the results were in. I grabbed a pen and paper. I froze.
He said, "things look really good." What does that mean?
Essentially they didn't find any cancer in my Sentinel Node, and the invasive part of my cancer was pretty small measuring only about 1.5cm. Phew.
I hung up with him and I immediately started sobbing. For like 20 minutes. I scared the shit out of my dog who usually comes to me when I cry. This time, she sought refuge in one of the closets.
I made it past a big hurdle. I would get more details at my post operative appointment with my surgeon.
Yesterday, (4/13/2018) was my appointment. You are never psyched to have a big doctor's appointment on Friday, the 13th. Still, I knew the news for the most part. I met Steve there in the afternoon.
My surgeon was all smiles when she came into the exam room. She opened my gown and said "Wow, they gave you great cleavage." #winning
We met her back in her office where she reviewed our report and told us the next step is to wait for my tumor to be tested further which is called Oncatype. This test will determine the likelihood of my cancer returning. If it is a higher score, I will need to do a few rounds of chemo. If not, I will need to do Anti Hormonal Therapy. (This is a pill I would take everyday)
This test will be back in 2 weeks. More waiting. #shocker
Still, this is a HUGE win for the Dyba house. Steve and I went to a local haunt we enjoyed and celebrated with lunch and beers. I don't think I have been able to fully take a breath in over a month. Felt good.