3.8.2018

3.8.2018

Otherwise known as the day I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Nice. 

I was running on the treadmill by means of distraction. My heart hadn't been in my workouts in weeks because I had been so consumed with anxiety and fear.

So while I was awaiting the call from my doctors, regarding biopsy results, I decided to go for a run. 

I had just pressed play on Destiny's Child's "Survivor" (#ironic also #classic)

I got the call. From a "No Caller ID" number-- That is always a telemarketer or a really important call.

It was a really important call. 

For the next few minutes I sat on the end of the treadmill listening to a bunch of cancer related words that I had no idea about. 

One thing I did know, is life was about to change in a big way for me. For my friends and my family. 

My husband Steve came home early and we literally sat in silence for what seemed like years. I attempted to take a client call, and pretend like things weren't monumentally different for me. 

Later on that night my husband rolled in with Chinese food and a 6 pack of IPA. We sat and watched countless episodes of "The Office" and for a brief moment, I felt like a normal girl. Not a soon to be cancer patient. 

But then a few minutes later, I was back to feeling like a cancer patient. 

It is amazing what your mind does when you hear news like this. My mind has been to my funeral and back in a matter of minutes. 

Who would come?

What would they dress me in? 

Makeup? As long as my brows looked good.

Then the other part of my brain is like, fuck this. I am not going out like this. I am going to be the person you read about in a pamphlet that beat breast cancer and I now I am canoeing with my husband and dog. 

Whatever the universe is trying to tell me, I am totally paying attention now. 

Things I learned today:

I love my little family of 3. (Dog + Steve) 

I learned that even though I tell myself and everyone around me that I can't handle this, I am sort of handling this. I got through day 1 of my diagnosis. The rest should be cake, right?

Stay tuned.